hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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