What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
