nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize