you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize