IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
