I will die if light touches me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
