hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
