I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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