I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
