I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
