1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
