So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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