he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
