The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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