I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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