So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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