So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
