I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Everything about him screamed your future.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize