Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
