Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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