I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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