fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
