Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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