please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
