i think my tv is drunk
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
