I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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