If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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