I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
