Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
