i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
