Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
