don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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