So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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