I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize