I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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