Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
