loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
