I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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