I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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