He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
