after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
