i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The air was thick with penises
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
