Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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