at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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