well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
