I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I could fuck to npr.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
