if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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