Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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