i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
