Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
