just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
