Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
