this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
