my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
