I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
