Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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