considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
