ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize