she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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