Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize