I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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