On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
