cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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