we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
