Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
