college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
