I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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