I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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