I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
