I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
